untitled

disconnect, disassociate, dissolve
every bit of what once was me
let it drip down fingers still twitching as the last coils of self slip past the pentip
and onto the page
i think i forgot how to cry somewhere in the catharsis
so i'll let these thoughts seep through ink
feelings through punching keyboard keys
unlocking some semblence of explanation beyond simple metaphor
if you, dear reader, fail to understand it, don't fret;
neither do i
pouring sentiments for a lost sense of understanding
listing in dripping statements the abstract that inches its way across my thoughts every waking moment
and lingers past the closing of eyelids and system standby of slumber
pervading subconscious and painting it in garish tones i couldn't ignore if i wanted to
and so that's why this shit tends to be so very oddball
i could blame it on the drugs:
nicotine intake level is at an all-time high this year
THC reading is off the chart and still climbing
there's too much blood in my alcohol stream so you better make it a double bartender
doctor, therapist, lover and nemesis
prescribe me a glassfull of momentary distraction
i need this
continued existence subsisting on substance
not just the stuff of my own experiential reflections
but the refined variety available from street corner to liquor store countertop
disconnect, disassociate, dissolve
reduce myself to thought only
a whisper of a thought carried away on a cloud of smoke
a mere memory of a thought of a poem once uttered
too quiet to be remembered verbatim
but the intent remains past the poet's expiration
so i hope that,
in whatever this newfound me might accomplish throughout the tenure of my expressive rantings,
you will remember me
smiling,
despite my
disconnect and disassociation with reality
and the dissolving of self i still stutter through