America

I’m as American as rotten apple pie left forgotten on the windowsill
because there’s a new Idol scandal on the idiot box
and the whole family’s so much more concerned with what Simon says than what momma might’ve slaved over all afternoon
driving in a big ass convertible Cadillac
top down at over a 100 plus miles per hour
belly full of cheap whisky, lungs full of unfiltered lucky strikes
one hand white-knuckled gripping the vinyl steering wheel
and the other graciously giving the bird to the picturesque American landscape blazing by in a blur of browns and greens
dotted here and there by a billboard no wider than maybe a half inch at the speeds I’m going
but I don’t need to pause to read the message, they’re all the stating same thing: welcome to America, now sit down, shut up, strap in and hold on
tuck your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye because I am American
not imperialism and warfare, I’m the more subtle, more poisonous America
the America that creeps into the minds of your young boys keeping them up late at night watching scrambled porno hoping like hell for that moment when they might make out a clear nipple in the midst of all that static
I’m the America that slinks up the miniskirt of your teenage daughter
you know the one she’s not supposed to be wearing but snuck out of the house beneath baggy sweat pants saying she’s off to a friend’s house to do homework
when the only studying she’s doing is in the backseat of some sweaty-palmed senior’s daddy’s buick lesaber hoping she can grope herself into some sort of conformed social acceptance
I’m the America that keeps on keeping on by keeping us all down
ground under the palm of big brother, corporate America and the man in whatever color or gender he may come in
the America that turns a blind eye to fair and balanced because injustice is more honest
you don’t get more hitting the nail on the head bullseye than bullshitting your fellow man for a quick buck or just some shits and giggles
the America that won’t ever let two men marry but loves to watch two girls making out
the nation of corpulent couch potato pseudo-pundits packing their fat mouths with potato chips and beer watching worldwide wrestling federation talking about how the greasy Mexicans are taking all the good white man’s jobs
then bitching because his welfare check hasn’t come in the mail yet
the America who travels overseas and gripes because nobody sounds like me and I can’t get a good cheeseburger; I mean what the fuck is a royale with cheese
the America who hands over its rights gift-wrapped with a big fucking bow tied right on the top so I don’t have to worry too much about being too free
and I can enjoy my freedom fries and supersized styrofoam happy meal at the expense of some third world child who’s name I couldn’t possibly even pronounce if I gave enough of a shit to try
just keep making sneakers that fall apart in a few months and underwear elastic that stretches way out of proportion so when I reach back to scratch my white hairy American ass it’s easily accessible
give me shitty, vapid, mindless entertainment 24 hours a day 7 days a week 4 weeks a month and 12 months a year so I can inhabit my lazyboy sucking back pork rinds and screaming at my wife for a blowjob and a sandwich
if I didn’t even have to move to take a shit, I’d be the fucking Buddha
content being ignorant?
Shit, I’m so fucking happy to be so fucking stupid I don’t even know where to start
The middle east: bomb those fuckers and make it a parking lot
Poverty and homelessness: get a job or get off my lawn
Racism: I’ll just move to a nice lily white neighborhood where I can mow my lawn smiling like the biggest asshole in the whole world talking over my white picket fence about the “other side of the tracks”
You know, where all the black people live
this is the America we’ve all worked so very hard to build and is now toppling off its own axis and crushing us in the rubble
the most perfect analogy for our nation; 9/11
we watch twin towers crash and fall and the best fucking course of action we can take
bomb the shit out of some brown people
and sell lots of cheap plastic American flags to hang from our SUV antennas
only 4.99 right now at your local wal mart
let’s not take a closer look at where our problems originated, no
we’ve got the bombs, the guns, and a much, much bigger dick than anyone else on this planet
and when America swings its pendulous penis around like a fleshy warhammer
you better get the fuck out of its way or start swinging along with us
stay the course
if you’re not with us, you’re against us
god bless America
because considering all these facts
we really fucking need it