memory of a touch

in my mind i'm still tracing my fingertip across the curve of your chin
just below your lips
probably the spot i miss most
the base of your smile
the point pressing into my chest as you slept so comfortably next to me
head tucked under my own chin
hair splayed out across my chest when not tied back
the most passionate moment caught in complete stillness
and though i'm a man of movement
almost constant kinetic action
i ache, longing for those seemingly unending unconscious hours
of you entwined in my arms
breathing evenly against my neck
completely asleep
yet smiling
i'm not sure if i ever told you that
you smile in your sleep, almost all the time
sometimes you would nearly wake
only long enough to kiss me gently and resituate yourself closer
or grip me tightly and look up into my eyes
still smiling
only to make those perfect lips and shining eyes beam even brighter
for just a moment
before you silently fell back to sleep again
smiling
in that perfect stillness
when the rays of morning sun would start radiating through the blinds
trying desperately to interrupt your slumber
you'd use me as a shield against waking
burying your face in my chest so no light would breech the security of your eyelids and wake you
most mornings i'd lie awake and just let you fitfully fight against facing the day
sometimes well into the afternoon
content to just lie beside you
clothed in nothing more than your radiating beauty
the soft slope of your hips
the valley of the arch in your back
i would trace these landscapes with my fingertips and smile
kissing your stomach or shoulders softly
so as not to wake you
just let you remain there
in perfectly silent stillness
but i am a man of movement
and these thoughts cause me to linger too long at what once was
and probably won't ever be again
my hands now travel the length of blank pages and pens
the only stillness:
my words left wet and drying between blue lines
i cannot remain here
caught in limbo between pressing on to the next day
and letting the past leave such an impression on me that this day
seems to stay still forever
and though i've preached proudly to keep moving
i'm teetering on toetips
unable to take that next step and just forget you
still tracing fingertips across the curve of your chin in my thoughts
nearly nightly
sometimes, almost on the hour each hour
i can't move past the meeting of my touch and your smile
so i suppose i must walk forward with eyes closed
and sunshine painted across the backs of my eyelids
hoping my memories of you will be bright enough to keep me from tripping
one step after another towards whatever tomorrow will hold for me
my path illuminated by the light of what yesterday held
i'll always cherish the glow you bestowed upon me
i'll keep it tucked tightly away in a pocket in the back of my mind
only to be brought out when these uncertain steps forward lead me into darkness
to help light my way